torn among the mist

2011-06-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

how safe are we to be living in Malaysia?

it has come to my concern about the extra activities going on the road and the public areas, where a growing number of assault is going on. this evening my sister saw the car in front of her being smashed by a motorcyclist in which her handbag was snatched in the middle of a traffic jam packed-full of people. tell me how can this happen? or in this case when my sister lost her handbag where she placed it in between my sisters in a well known boutique with numerous CC TVs? tell me how is this even possible considering the era we are living in, shouldn't we worry about everything else except for this? the crime rate is rising to the extent that it disturbs me to know that houses are being broken in not just through the rooftop, but also through the front door in a well secured housing area.

tell me that I'm wrong for thinking that all this is nonsense, tell me not to worry and get paranoid just by thinking about it.

i have a mother who is always driving alone, i have sisters who drive and even a little one who thinks the world is all safe and sound. i need to sustain safe environments for them but i cant do this alone. i need the politicians who had been working their ass up by making us believe that we are making the right decisions in choosing them to form a better life styles, and that's all. prove to us that all this is worth it, tell us that you can do better. tell us that you can protect us, you have your influences. i also need the men is blue to work arm in arm to fight against this. i mean, when you got yourself into that uniform it must have been for a reason. make it all worth it. its not just the sake of my family we are talking here. its for the sake of everyone.

it has become more obvious of how the crimes have made me more anxious and uneasy the moment someone went out from the house. it scares me.

i just hope that this matter will be brought into the hands of the authority. i want a safe life for all of us

2011-05-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

the result was better than i have expected. it is nothing as i have expected. it is beyond better. it was very unexpected. it made me cry, it made my parents smile. i have never thought that i could achieve it, after all the madness and dramas. im glad, to Him, to my parents & family, to my teachers and to my classmates.

i could feel the satisfaction in me to have fulfilled something that i have once tried to bail on. it is a lesson to learn. well im glad i have finished what i have started and i have achieved my aim, the aim that i have plastered on my wall the day it begun. im glad, to have been there done that.

no regrets, just love.

im really glad i have met those people, those with different perspective and influences. its funny that im actually missing them. well to be honest, throughout my life, i went on with life bringing less memories as possible about the past. this one right here is the one that keeps on coming back to me, i miss them. i miss all that happened.

parents are soo happy that my mom cooked nasi tomato for lunch on saturday, my dad gave us money to shop, us sisters and my cousins went for a nice frozen yogurt after dinner. everyone is soo happy that it makes me happy too, very less alone. went for lunch at the usual thai restaurant, bought some stuff, bought matyn a puzzle and had a nice one scooped of baskin robin. with all these nice food im served with, i dont think i could get back in shape. but i have to keep a positive mind, i can do it :)

life has been good.

2011-05-18T12:05:00.001-07:00

neon green

2011-05-18T10:20:00.000-07:00

it's like being in a dream and despite the blinks of your eyes and the pinch on your skin, it still feels surreal. i couldn't believe that i made it through 365 days of madness in Malacca.

it was undoubtful that life was really hard back then, when i had to complain about the moss-full toilet or the unhygienic cafeteria to my mother everytime she calls. it had been long hours on the phone and 2 hours trips for every 2 weeks. my parents have made many big sacrifices for me, i am but an ungrateful child if i failed to see that. i am in debt to them, they never let me went astray when i was at my most rebellious age and they never forced me into anything other than for what makes me a better person. a thousand times i've let them down, but never once did they give up on me. im grateful to be brought up in this family.

how i hated that place, for what is worth i did manage to pull myself up to embrace it. to finish what i have started.

the days i've spent here, i've learnt a few things that make me a better person, that makes me see life with a wider view. i saw that there are actually people that has never seen the outside world to think outside the box. it's not wrong but i believe that at this age, we ought to be able to stand on our own feet. life mould us for the better, for what doesnt kill us makes us stronger. it is time for us people to get out from our comfort zone. we cant stay here for too long can we? besides that, i learn the truth about life. friends do come and go, sometimes they couldn't accept the changes that you have on you to stay put despite the times they told you that they always have your back. well things always change. it saddens me but it helps me build up the strength to let go and to not have my hopes up high.

well what do you know, there are always many hidden agendas meant for us in a single event. we just have to go through it and never look back.

its over

2011-04-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

Matriculation is finally over. I can't believe i just had my last paper this morning. It all feels soo strange.

Upon arriving at that place, all i wanted was to get it done. I didn't have anything to look forward to, i didn't have any purpose to be waking up every morning other than to get the days over with and to excel in my studies. See the strength i had to overcome the rough days was because of my friends. They made me strong enough to put aside the worries and to smile everyday. It was a nice one year of experience despite the place and the environment. I've never been in that kind of situation and having been there, done that, i think i can survive a much worse environment.
I'm glad i've made it through, i'm glad i didn't quit half way through, i'm glad to have seen a different side of life, i'm glad to have met different type of people, i'm glad to have learned so much, i'm glad to have experienced the life in a bording school.

2011-01-14T08:04:00.001-08:00

defeated.

2011-01-14T08:04:00.000-08:00

defeated.

2011-01-01T09:51:00.000-08:00

today is the first day of 2011.
many things happened last year that brought upon changes to me. spiritually i've become stronger, emotionally i've become more mature. i'm a lady with wisdom, but not wise enough. soon i will be. there are many to be learned. last year, i achieved many things i never thought i could have. i worked for 3 months and gained experiences that are worth it all, i met people from all places that were generous and kind. this year, i went through weeks of courses and got myself a perfect driving license. it was worth the wait. in the middle of may i got into a matriculation programme in melacca, had a hard time adapting but it got better. i finished the first sem with a quite unexpected result that brought joy to my parents and family. i made friends that have become a part of me.
today is the first day of 2011.
when i should have not look back and regret. for tomorrow will be better than today. because the betterment of life comes from unrequitted experiences that teach us to be a better person.

2010-10-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

life in kmm soo far has been rather boring. nothing much has been happening and exam is in a week time, then i'll be home for good. honestly saying this place sucks real bad, everything seems to be sooo wrong and how they treat us here, it is unlike college students, instead they are treating us like some outdated boarding school for school students. it is very stressful being here and i really hate their shallow mind in makng everything bounded by stupid rules. we are teenagers, they cant expect us to stay here and act like kids. we are teenagers and we ought to see the world, not being kept in a cage in a middle of nowhere. we are teenagers, we shouldnt be dragged around into doing thing we dont want to do.

2010-07-31T04:30:00.000-07:00

i know this blog has been a true friend that listens to all the problem im faced with throughout my life, hence i thank you very much for always being there.
honestly it is hard to have something precious and the next you have to let it go.
so 10 days back i came home, to the most comfortable place i could ever wished for and that is home. it felt good to feel complete, to be with my family, to be with my one and only dear one. for once after soo long i feel like life could not be any happier, it was already at it's highest state. i felt complete. i was overwhelmed. days passed by, like always. until one night you realize that it is your last night, until one night you realize that it will all falls back unconditionally, until one night you realize you would not sleep the same way you have.
i hate this feeling. i do not want to go. please.

home

2010-07-07T06:11:00.000-07:00

It is mind torturing when all of my body and soul want to be home but I’m stuck in a place bewildered by the thoughts of the calling of my own mind, telepathy, barging to come out from this caged place bounded by the privilege of freedom excluding me from the outside world, keeping me shallow and all again indulge my life by living in a nutshell. I want to be out. I want to be out. I can’t take it anymore. I want to be home. To wake up at home, to sleep at home, to come home. So badly I want to be home. Being here creates an incompetent issue in me, I hate the judgmental mind they have on me, I hate the pressure they put on me, I hate the fact that my life is in boundary, I hate everything that they impose onto us, how they make us stay during the weekends, I hate how they treat us like we’re in a boring boarding school, I hate that the food are tasteless. They can’t do this to us, and they certainly can’t do this to me. I want to go home. Please don't make me stay.

2010-06-07T05:59:00.000-07:00

here i am updating on my life here in matriks melaka. well all has been good and i have been very eager to come home this friday. but the problem is, i have just been informed that we are not allowed to go back because of the pilihanraya they will be having. dammit. how it is making me hate it here even more. sooo stressful. however, i ll find a way to come home. trust me. nobody can make me stay.

2010-06-03T01:22:00.000-07:00

first and foremost, the reason i am here is because it's a thursday and i havent been onlining ever since i got here. therefore i declare that i miss the cyber net.
lets see, there are many things to update on. especially now that everything seems to be piling up with soooo much enthusiasm and yeah tiredness. i only get to sleep 4 hours plus here, they said its suppose to be enough but im always soo sleepy at times of lecture. on the other hand, afiq said its because im lack of oxygen in the body and thus i need to drink plenty of plain water to stay energised. besides that, my classmates are planning to go for an outing this weekend and yessss, it sounds fun and im very much looking forward for it. we ll be renting a car and staying overnight, sounds to me like fun. other than that, afiq's birthday is just around the corner, i dont know what to get him because as i know, nothing actually please him much. so this is a problem and i really have no idea. i cant wait to be back next week. kak maryam posted a few pictures of bella and you obviously dont know how much i miss my baby. she looks healthy and cute as usual, i cant wait to hug her. i cant wait to be home for good. at the same time, im trying to go through life here normally and enjoy what is it that they call as college.

2010-05-21T21:36:00.000-07:00

so life in KMM isnt entirely bad, well except for the unclean toilet. other things are considered at par. the lecture hall is always soo packed, but as im always alone i get all the good seat. thats a plus one for being a loner. other than that, the friends here are nice and talkative. i enjoy making friends but for the time being, no one like mina and lina. i miss the life i had in KL, i dont know, maybe here im living a life with boundaries that keep me limited to the outside world. however, im trying hard to adapt to this. maybe it will do me good. i miss everyone and i cant wait to get it over with.

2010-05-03T09:54:00.000-07:00

so i've quit working, now im slacking off at home. it's good, it feels empty. maybe because i no longer have to work early just to open up the spa, maybe because i no longer hear the laugh of excitement early in the morning, maybe because i no longer greet clients with eager face, maybe because i no longer have a reason to wake up everyday.
as you know, im leaving soon for matriculation in malacca. i am somehow excited for what will be there yet im scared for what wouldn't be there. like my parents and the privilege to go out and have fun. im really scared but i have to brave up because i need to learn how to be independent, to stay away from my family because one day i will be building my own empire with my own bare hands. so if i have to start somewhere, it has to be now. honestly it is not easy for me to leave nor it is easy for me to keep it all deep within me. it is a habit of mine, to be an introvert, to keep all my worries to myself. it bothers afiq soo much when he couldnt get a word out of me when i was pissed. i dislike it myself and i did let try to let it out, but it just cant escape my mouth. no matter how hard i try.
now it is like a whole load of problems bundle up in my head that keeps me awake till the midst of dusk

you re my fantasy

2010-04-27T07:09:00.000-07:00

so the depth of words can be deeper than the ocean itself, soo deep you will always get yourself drown in thoughts.
there are soo many times i derive myself from sleep just by thinking of something. something sometimes even im not sure what of. sometimes i just let my mind wander off on its own that when i was caught off guard i will jitter at the thought of it.
i dont know what is the purpose of letting it out here but somehow i feel like i have to.

2010-04-23T05:23:00.000-07:00

i just want to run away from all of this, to go to a place where all that matters subside. i feel like my little fragile heart has shattered, shattered into pointy hard edges that cut through every inch of my petty vein.

2010-04-14T08:09:00.000-07:00

criticizing people's misbehaviour is normal in daily life or maybe to condemn for the wrong act of the youthful kids. somethings are meant to be unknown, like what is there beneath all the troublesome act or even look. we dont know why who where when or how, somehow there are reasons to every each of them. as i grow wiser, i learn that to condemn people or criticize people doesnt make me a better person in any way because as true as karma can be, one day i could be doing the same thing that i have been cursing about. moreover, by bad talking about people, it makes me look insecure about myself. revealing every bit of not anyone else's, but you myself's. to be able to tell the differences, you will know which is the mask and which is the face.
well to be honest, there is not many acknowledgement we practise in life to make our life meaningful, to make it brighter with smile. we have been neglacting all of this for the sake of wealth and priorities. so judgemental minds are constructive but as constructive as it is, too much negativity corrupts the delicate mind. so it's on you.

so in the end we will cherish what we have

2010-04-13T09:51:00.001-07:00

so have you ever woke up early just because you have promised someone that you will spend the day with him? that is what happened to me a few days back, so i have known him since i was in early high school. had always been the call of anxiety and eagerness to talk about ourself. how we met was somehow picturesque of what it was years ago. it was at a bbq party, by the pool side of where i used to enjoy my childhood with my cousins. he was just the ordinary guy you see everyday by the midst of life. see the searching eyes, the lost soul were attractive in a way that made it all seems soo full of hope. well of course back then i was too immature to know this, not until i grow up to see how close we have grown after all the years. we kept in touch but not always. it is always for once in 2 months or more. it was good that way, kept me surprised and amused by all the stories he had to share and of all the things he did. his stories always made me think and i love the fact that every each one of them did. whenever he called, he would share with me about his dreams, always something fresh and different, soo full of enthusiasm. and i love them. i love listening to every each one of them. gives me hope to my very own future. but for this moment, i do not know what went amiss but the enthusiasm, it dies by time and the dreams, they fade by reality. and everytime i meet him, i wonder if it is the little hole in his heart that makes it all goes away.

zeus

2010-03-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

is it another unbareable downfall? after all the comfort and luxurious life ive gone through, i dont want it to end here. im soo scared to face what is it out there, differently from how i was raised, to face another unreacheable success.
so life has been good, just a little tired with work. im concerned about things that are currently happening in the house. it is just a little tensed up. not that im indicating anything. but you get the idea. lately i have been thinking about quiting the job and enjoying with my friends. that is the idea i have been having, especially since lina is coming back to kl next friday. im soo excited. and work will obviously get in the way. for the record, im only available on sunday and that sucks badly. so i have been giving alot of thought on it, therefore, im gonna quit by the end of april. that means i have 2 months to enjoy my youth life. that is ample, rather than 3 months of nothingness. i have to sacrifice a little, but i think it will be worth the while. it gives me many experiences. the good ones of course. other than that, i tend to get cranky these days because of lack of sleep. so my sincere apologies to everyone that gets the flare. i love you.

2010-03-16T09:31:00.000-07:00

I'm very much unexpected, mostly unpredictable and surely full of uncertainties. To devote myself to someone is rare and to stay without getting myself tangled up in misunderstanding is impossible. So for now I declare myself as a complicated person. So guys stay away.
I realize how ridiculous that is, but the hell I care

2010-03-10T12:54:00.000-08:00

2010-02-27T07:34:00.000-08:00

sometimes your misery lasted a minutes, maybe for a night. somehow, you will encounter the rainbow that shimmers and glims brighter than the usual.

2010-02-24T02:33:00.001-08:00

in the midst of fun, encounters the cloud of grief and sadness, one that makes you cry.
so i have been let out from my nest a little too much that i took the trust that my parents have for me for granted. well mostly of what they have taught to me when i was little, of what sinful things we may do in life to be dragged to hell. i was aware of that, not until i grow older and wanted to try what other people are trying. i was lost in the fun zone that i have forsaken the trust my parents have given me. the worst is the disappointment, really. as what i have always put high above me is to never disappoint them neither to let them shed tears. what i did was wrong and they ought to be sad about it, it is after all my mistake. what i have missed is the consequences of it, not to me but to my parents. it has caused alot of mental dysfunctionality. honestly saying, i do not regret what i have done, and im actually glad that all of this happen so that one day if i tend to commit it again, i can remind myself of what damage i have done to my mother's heart and my father's trust. it is terrible, of what i did. therefore i would like to make it better, well i can, i will it is just the matter of their trust on me and how they are going to see me. im scared to ever lose them. all my life has been about them, to make them happy and proud. of what i did was a systematic error that is making life harder and wasteful. like i said, i do not regret, just that i hope it can go the other way around, much differently.

2010-02-12T08:29:00.000-08:00

just so everyone knows, i have started working. isnt that something to be proud of? *applause* well it is good, really now that i have been sleeping early and waking up early. im no longer the useless kid in town. i actually have reasons to wake up everyday, to see the glory of a sunrise, to see the smile of the uptown boy. work has been pretty amusing especially for a newbie like me. i see things with a little sugar flower on top, everything seems so fun and desiring. so i will update more on the details =D

mental

2010-01-29T21:52:00.000-08:00

we are always assuming things, well the truth of the matter of fact is that there are stories behind every assumptions. the stories that we dont know, or we arent suppose to know.

well i have lived a life soo profounded with knowledge, that i merely study and learn the indepth of someone's eyes. well at least i tried to with some people. such iniciative is helpful, at times of changes. when you are at the stage of conciousness, you would want the truth, nothing but the truth. that is when you barge in and try to understand people. that is when you in need of attention, truthfully saying, you would want to understand people soo well that you were caught in a syndrome of lack of self empathy.

well what im saying is, never make assumptions because its not healthy, yet do not get caught up with the lingering sense of insecurities. whatever it is, be confident of what you are and learn to accept others without having to be a prejudice. judgemental mind is always destructive when you always have bad thoughts about people.

2010-01-26T06:19:00.000-08:00

seriously its getting more disgusting than ever. they are getting to my nerve, like a bunch of idiots who dont get into some girls gstrings. honestly saying its pathetic. harassing my property on facebook and somehow trying to act cool about it is what i would call junkie. well you have had your field in the game, now let me have mine and im pretty much sure that you will be *garu kepala* reading this. well that ensures how much im irritated of you.
people like you who has been rejected has to accept how things go, if i reject or somehow dumped you, well that must be for a certain reason. try to be a mature gentleman and understand what im saying because you are being a sore loser. if you have balls big enough, try to tell me up front because this thing you are doing is no good, neither to me nor for your own benefit, its not cool. well you have two options, to walk away and be a gentleman or to approach me and tell me your problems in a more diplomatic way. arent we being civilised here? like what tun mahathir tried to practice us all with? too bad some people are not aware of such thing and being a disgusting immature.
fyi, youre disgusting, no kidding.

prejudice

2010-01-24T20:36:00.000-08:00

some people lives in denial. having inadequate sense of thinking or experience makes them see only one side of a story without using their god blessed brain to think about the reasons. that is the problem with some people, always soo reckless in judging, how embarassing, very shallow i would say.

you are not who you currently think you are

2010-01-16T06:47:00.000-08:00

we fear that if another wins, we must lose. we fear that there just isn't enough abundance and prosperity in the world for everyone. we fear that if we genuinely help another person, we will somehow lose something rather than seeing the truth behind this lie, which is that the more we help others, the more abundance will flood into our lives. one of the timeless truths of the universe can be stated simply : when you shift from a compulsion to survive into a heartfelt commintment to serve, your life cannot help but explode into success.

Discover Your Destiny, Robin Sharma

baby lets dream

2010-01-11T03:52:00.001-08:00

of life not doing anything, there are some things that i am certain of.

you can differentiate between real friends and acquaintances.

firstly, there is a huge difference between real friends and acquaintances. real friends stand for you through think and thin. however, acq tends to leave you at time of which you need help the most. furthermore, real friends understand your condition, of what your family is really like and the limit of doing something. on the other hand, acqs think they understand everything about your life and always stand up against your will. real friends respect and listen, acqs bail and forget. so now that you know, choose your friends well.

besides that, i am certain that matyn is the baby of the family. just so you know, mimi has been waiting for matyn at school for a week and a day now. how amusing is that?

moreover, i love listening to dreams, people's dream in particular. esp afiq's. it made me see what it really is like in the future. he even made me dare to believe that i can change what i am now, to live the life of independence. i am comfortable with him.

ignition

2010-01-03T04:33:00.000-08:00

im stressed. feeling like i am in need of attention. from no one else but the close one. its the time of the year, when everything is important, here comes college, license and sanity. to be honest, i have not a clue of what to do next because every single thing lies on their decision. therefore, here i am sitting joblessly in front of the laptop trying to express my feelings. friends would have understood what i am going through right now, it is stressful. really is, sometimes i feel like giving up trying and move on independently. on the other hand, being independent requires me alone doing all the heavy jobs which i am very less experienced to actually understand how things work. i am 17 and the hell i dont have an atm card. that is sad, really.

2010 baby

2010-01-01T05:23:00.000-08:00

2009 has been a good year. i had my spm, drama and joy. what is there to remember i bottled up in my mind, perhaps one day we can look back and laugh at every each one with full enthusiasm as what we did so many times before. such new year always encourage us to make resolutions and be better for the sake of the future. sure enough its best. anyhow, isnt it better to build up dreams not just during new year but everytime we wake up from a nightmare? chances come and go, but our will is there, deep down. whatever we do we have to be confident and be brave to stand up for whatever it is we have in mind. we are what we decide to be. just have to let the world know that.

anyway, throughout 2009 i had a lot of experience and i learned a handful of knowledge. so lets wish the better for 2010 for a new year is a new book.

Happy New Year

2009-12-29T09:20:00.001-08:00

someone actually requested for an update. the last time i updated was long time ago, i think its time i actually post something that has been happening.

at the verge of an attempt, you might change your mind to the slightest occurance. either a thought or a coincidence, both can make a big impact in your life. what im trying to say here, whatever you do or say, you can bring about differences in your life and others.

actually im not sure what im doing here, well i shouldnt be should i? im dull, cant really converse well. will update a better one soon.

enlightenment

2009-12-12T08:42:00.000-08:00

i've seen lives in jeopardy throughout my life. accident, robbery, suicide, sickness and so the list goes on. it is heartbreaking to know that a soul can be taken soo easily, a life can been seen in a pair of eyes and the next second it might be gone, taken away to a distance we dont know, an era of the hereafter soo strange to us human. the hereafter is a scary place, not something that i dare to imagine but definitely something that i have been reminding myself with.

i admit life has been challenging, there are obstacles to overcome. there are lust, anger, dream and accomplishment. not everything in life that we do is appealing, there are risks to take. what i witnessed in life is somehow amusing, i have seen my parents bringing up the family, my siblings adapting to the stages of life, my friends overcoming the big challenges and the people around me crypting success and failure. its empowering to say that life is amazing if you think of the both sides of it. sometimes you are clouded by darkness because of some random mistakes but never take it along with you. it is just something you have to be brave about, to stand up to and take smart steps forward. life is not about mourning and crying. life is about living for what we believe presently and futurely. so i believe.

i have met and lost many people along my journey in life, none that i have regretted. all very heart lightening. i believe in appreciation, so as i walk alongside the forsaken life, i took in people with care and cherishment. harted is a word rarely to use, because karma is arousing. for what i believe. it has been haunting my life with the same ecstatic sound of the jungle so rare and exotic.

so my life has been much of a journey, a walk through understanding life. i am scared of losing, very much that i put my family soo close to my heart alongside others who are important to me. so when you come into my life, you live nowhere but near to mt heart. no matter what, i never lie.

muhammad faiz

2009-12-11T08:51:00.000-08:00

there are always two sides in every story and i believe you should know mine.
knowing you is a pleasure especially when it comes to kindness and care. you brought me into your life with your serene words and i am grateful that i know you. im sorry that it has to be an option.
just so you know, i dont compare, i never do. you are great as you are. just as how you treated me. thanks for coming into my life, for supporting when everyone else bails. i am thankful for at least knowing you in a very short duration, i hope we can be friends for a little longer. please.

2009-12-09T05:42:00.000-08:00

so some people has their own way of managing things. yeah, so do i.
i admit its very easy for me to fall in love. soo easy that i caught myself entangling with the surpress of words quoted by the guy. i mean, who am i to trust him. what is real, what is not, what do i know? it always caught me off guard, getting wayy too fast in a relationship. it spoils everything. seriously. so what is actually happening now, i myself dare not say anything. for what is real, im scared to devote myself.

twin towers

2009-12-05T04:52:00.000-08:00

so i watched this biography on tun mahathir this evening. i realized that our country is not that developed. i mean, when he was the prime minister, we can see the twin towers and putrajaya built. but now, what achievement has we accomplished? not to condemn but it just opened up my eyes that if we did not have mahathir, we would be left behind maybe worst than india. imagine our development would be really slow and we might not be known globally. like him, he had conferences with the leaders worldwide, he dare to speak up his mind. but what about now? do we still have it. i didnt mean to say something im not sure of, but i want to see development. better than what we have now. i mean, we have to be like the 1st world country, we can accomplish that, we just need to stand together.

2009-12-03T03:33:00.000-08:00

temperamental as it is, life has been exciting by days. seriously. especially with spm coming to an end. there are stories to tell and there are pictures to show, i cant wait for it to end.

always on my mind

2009-11-27T21:56:00.000-08:00

So my mom and I has been talking. We are quite fortunate to be able to live comfortably in a house with very much love and care. I didn't mean to boast, but its natural, I'm not talking about particularly money, I'm adversing more on the strong family bond we polish everyday with our very action. Honestly speaking, I'm happy that we are one, and certain occasions made me think about losing them. It would be hard, really hard I must say. I don't even know if I'm capable of living without them. They're like my air. Though I'm being really corny here, I just want my family to know how much they're appreciated by me and also for my fellow readers to take note of the importance of a family's relationship.
Quite random as it is, I grew up to witness my father bringing up the family, eventhough he fell a few times, he never with doubt stay there too long. He'll stood up and make us proud. Even now when we're standing stably, he stil gives us the best. Quite frankly, he cherish us with his worldwide knowledge about stuff that can make us really see what a life is beneath all the mankind who now and then surpress their time and diligencies to the political hypocrites. I'm keen about that the most because it made me wants to be like gandhi or maybe even sir luther king who are able to speak their mind despite the hierarchy plotting against them. Indeed I am fond of their courage, and even to my dad's who took as many challenges as he could to raise us all up in an upbringing community with much care.
Nevertheless for my mother who has been really loyal to my father and dedicated to us baby monsters. Yeah that is what I would call us siblings for wanting way too much. My mother has always pampered us with her affection and sometimes even brand new clothes. I know she has been working her ass up bringing us stubborn monsters. But rarely do I see her losing her temper, it must hv been the patience she has been practising all this while. She's a wonderful mother, always trying to fulfill our need.
I just love being taken care like how it is right now, we might have a few shortage here and there but moretheless, its the passion of a family that makes me see that I could never find a better family.

2009-11-21T02:17:00.000-08:00

see i have been having this thought,

all my past boyfriends were never serious. it has never lasted for more than a month and a day. i admit wanting to have someone serious, someone who i can celebrate anniversaries with. i have been a loner for far too long, its about time. i just hope who it is to come will make me smile when it rains, shelter me with endless love and affection and most importantly lead me through it all

jiggle juggle

2009-11-14T07:06:00.000-08:00

well i did mention in my last post that it would be the last one, wrongwrong again. i couldnt stop myself to update. mind me.

so life has been abit tiring. spm starts this wednesday.

this evening i was at my granny's and all of us were talking about going for a vacation by the end of the year. as you know, hard rock's hotel has been opened in penang and it is really pretty and exquisite, with all my desire i wanna go there. i just cant put my thoughts at rest of how fun it will be there. lets cross our fingers and hope for it. *eyes closed, fingers crossed

besides that, i have been tired with the seminars. the last time i went i could only stand about 30 mins, then i went out. the hall is hectic with people off all attitude laughing their ass out, minding their own business but not me. im pretty much a loner, and when im alone i get stressed up thinking people are having fun but not me and the fact that they have girlfriends or buddies while im all alone. well i do have friends, just that they dont really sit with me and there are some who are too busy to care. anyway, im glad that tomorrow wouldnt be as it. thus, i wanna wake up early and be fresh tomorrow so i wont get nausea and headache.

other than that, i think im getting my period. ive been feeling somehow depressed and craving for chocolates. ive been feeling emotional too. omg, i feel guilty for those who gets the flare.

thats all for now, toodles lovers

prediction

2009-11-11T09:43:00.000-08:00

its almost 2 and i still wide awake, staying at home saves alot of my energy. seriously. if i go to school, i would definitely sleep before 12. thus, i think its better if i stay at home tomorrow and study *muka xbersalah. im currently studying sejarah. it was enjoyable i must say, esp at this time it gets pretty easy to remember and quite enjoyable.
anyway, life has been interesting. i slept while reading chem this evening, i ate alot during dinner and i ve been downloading songs from dj tiesto. wow, this must be some kind of a syndrome for pre spm. tomorrow i ll be having seminar at masjid, its fun i must say but sometimes it can get pretty tiring when mr ven keeps on repeating on how to solve things over and over. well, its a price to pay for his inspiring way of educating people. i hv to admit that he s good and a very dedicated teacher. he has put alot of effort on us that i think he barely get any sleep at night just to make ques papers for us. and he invested alot on our paper sheet. i think the thorough price for photocopying is more than 6k. that s alot considering the price we ve paid.
anyway, there s nothing much to tell here except that spm is really near. its on the 18th and today is already the 13th. well what can we do other than to count down.
thus, i dont think ill be updating anytime soon. so for the spmers,

Good Luck and Do Your Best

2009-11-10T22:28:00.000-08:00

lonely, as lonely as can be, we weep deep inside,

futurama

2009-10-17T11:36:00.000-07:00

have you ever come to a time where you think about your future?

well i did, quite a lot of time. but this particular conversation with my brother in law really got me thinking.

its true that life is full of surprises. we cant predict what will happen next, but we can plan. how we turn out by the end of the day is totally up to us, thats why we are blessed with brain. by planning, we have determined our road, to where we want ourself to be either by parents recommendation or our interest itself.

likewise, my mother wanted me to do medic but as everyone knows, it isnt easy and it requires a lot of concentration and most of my life. at first yes it was my interest but i kind of drifted to something not as difficult as medic but pretty interesting to me. that is political science. my dad did his master on it and he has tons of books about politics of the us, malaysia. i wasnt very keen to read all his book but at times i did because they look plainly cool. i didnt understand the terms they use, i admit. if u read them you have to refer to many other books to get the mutual understanding. if not you will be lost in between the words. nvm that. so i did alot of talking with my dad of what i wanna do next after spm. he gave me alot of ideas which i think are smart and can make you more knowledgeable. i mean to prepare yourself to the next level.

back to the main thing, about political science, i will learn about the politics about other countries and malaysia itself. politics matter in this country really got to my attention, especially with this indonesia thing going on. i have the feelings that someday i can make it better, for the future of course. maybe like mahathir perhaps? =P he is such an inspiration, i adore him. i love his courage of standing up to bush, badawi and all the other non-realist. i want to be like him, to have people looking up to me and adore me for what i did to the country just like what im doing right now.

so there it was what i want to do next, i just feel confident to be it, to be someone =D

how sure are we that malaysia is safe?

2009-10-07T06:04:00.000-07:00

we just realize that matyn's tricycle is gone. who wouldve stolen it? must be some desperate druggie. and do you know that on 11th september abg zizul was robbed by 2 armed man? they took rm8800 which was for the delivery and baby's prem. besides that, someone stole my dad's laptop which he put in the back seat of the car earlier this year. anddd a few years back, someone broke into my house and car, luckily they didnt do anything to us. last but not least, 2 guys on motorcycle tried to harass me and my sister while we were jogging.

to one family, a crime rate on them can go up to 6 times in 17 years. that is quite a failure i must say to the safety structure of this country. im sure teh government did something. but that something isnt good enough. with crime rate arising, parents are scared to let their kids play at the open playground, or even to let them buy from a vendor right outside the house. imagine how are we going to survive out there without our parents who has always been taking care of us. we are malaysian, and this is our country. people who commit these kind of crime should be locked up in jail, they cant be released by a small amount of bribery or bail. lets not be selfish and look out for the nation. we claimed ourselves to be 1 malaysia, however we barely greet our next door neighbour who is of different race, let alone answer what they will do when they hear screams or see something bad happening. their exuse, ' tak nak jaga tepi kain orang' or worst ' malas, nanti kene buat report polis berjam-jam'. stupid! we should motivate ourself to not be a blind nation and instead fight against it hand in hand.

the other case that has gotten my attention is when rape cases drastically arise. worst when seen girls at youngest age of 5 being raped by a heartless father, a mental illed girl treated as a sex slaved by her own flesh and blood, a wife harassed by her own step son in front of her husband. it is such a disgrace to us humankind, especially when we are muslim. havent we been taught about good and bad, heaven and hell? im sure we have been. im soo angry with these heartless people, they deserve high fine and long term jail sentence, and they shouldnt be let out for bailing. they are no human, they are monster. who would have the heart to do something so disgusting.

we are malaysian and we are suppose to think beyond the horizon, we have to make things better, not worst. we have to practice what we preached. other than that, we are the next generation, if they cannot make malaysia a better place, we will.

2009-09-14T07:56:00.000-07:00

im happy to say that im an aunt =D

date of september 12th2009 was the date when the baby comes out from the womb. it was hearbreaking at first knowing how much my sister was in pain, even at 6 cm! let alone think about 10! i was waiting outside the labour room along with my two other aunts who were as eager as me eventhough we were shooed by the nurses a few times. we put on our deaf ears and stay stubborn. it was fun! the room door wasnt close but they had curtains. so it was hard to see what was going on not that looking will make things any better. nvm. i heard the sound of my mother asking my sister to push, i heard my sister cry, i heard the muffling sound of the nurses' apron. i was nervous. however, the first cry washed it all away, it was amazing, it was beautiful. it was as nothing as i ve ever heard before. then and there i knew that everything was fine, both my sister and the baby were. it was a huge relief.

the baby is beautiful,

2009-08-24T08:15:00.000-07:00

i feel bad that my dad has to work very hard to feed my mom and other 4 siblings. it made me think of how much effort he has made to be where he is now or should i say where i am now. we took in soo much leisure that we have forgotten about how much tension he had to overcome to make our life stable. i feel guilty that all of this has to be taken onto him. i wish i can be really successful that he wouldnt hv to be soo tired and stressed. i want to make him and my mom happy. one day i will. =D

2009-08-23T08:13:00.000-07:00

i had a long walk just now and somehow it got me thinking. it isnt nice living alone without having anyone to share your happiness and your heart shattering tears.

there should be purpose in every life, and yes living without a purpose is as if you re living a zombie life. i have a purpose to live but i hv to paint it up and put some vibrant to it. im on it. =D

reality

2009-08-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

today was soo embarassing.

sometimes i think it takes a lot of guts and foolishness to be noticed. anyhow, it can be denied but though so, still obvious that you laugh yourself to it. i was mad for what i did, because i thought it was humiliating and pathetically obvious. but when i come to think of it, there is nothing wrong with it. maybe it was a little bit embarassing but why should i care. i mean, i was having fun and it is up to him to like what he saw or to just walk away. i dont care because there is a lot of fishes in the sea. of course i didnt mean that, just saying for my own assurance, there is no one else like him. i just couldnt bare to feel that i have been let down.

im suffocating

2009-08-05T06:02:00.000-07:00

the air is killing me.
i can feel the corroding chemicals clogged in my brain, all again giving me headache. this pollution can be fatal, really. i don't think i can live with it for the next 40 years. anyway i noticed that the morning air is no longer misty and nice, now it is hazy and certainly disturbing. this is disappointing with the h1n1 rising, pollution is not going to make living any easier.
we are all aware of the critical condition of the world. there are holes on the ozone layer, there are oil spillage in the magnificently drawn ocean, there are chemicals in the air we are breathing in. why can't us mankind who are given wonderful god gifted brain make world a better place? i believe that by scientific measure, we can change all this. we can find other alternatives, it is never too late to make things better.

my sister is awesome

2009-08-05T05:18:00.000-07:00

you have taken up a place of a sister without a choice,
despite so, you still hold us tight to ensure all measure of protection,
you put us family ahead, when all others look down to us, you keenly look up to us,
you made us feel special in every way that create a feeling of grateful of having you as a sister,
you tried hard to go against nature by avoiding hatred and disgrace, and so far you did well,
no matter what life put you through, you still stand tall and with that you have all my respect,

im trying to put perfect words to what you really are, of how beautiful you are as a sister and a daughter. however, there is no word good enough to represent what you truly are, you are special and i am thankful of having you as a sister, Alia Ariffin.

2009-08-01T04:12:00.001-07:00

those who are ungrateful are too fortunate that they fail to take a glimpse of reality.

sometimes its the other way around

2009-07-31T08:17:00.000-07:00

my sister and i went walking just now, and we talked about something that really makes me wonder. it is about the law of attraction.

see her life has been really simple, she never dare to take chances. even if she likes someone, she will not tell. she will not make it obvious and leave us with any clue regarding it. its amazing how she can keep the feeling incapsulate deep inside, without anyone knowing. while in the end, she is the one who gets the boy. she never even take the initiative to get them, they are the one who always come chasing for her. i salute her for having that mutual attraction that very less people have.

i asked her about it, and she said it is very simple. you do not have to do anything, somehow if the feeling is there and real, then it will happen. the law of attraction will do its job and dear cupids will shoot their arrows right through the hearts and make every desire fulfilled.

so technically meaning that i hv to put on hold of myself and show no affection. if he is meant for me, he will be mine. maybe not today, but one day maybe he will.

baby

2009-07-30T07:07:00.001-07:00

i miss matyn boy

2009-07-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

malam bakat was a memorable one, we had lots of fun cheering for the amazing performances. and we made a pretty good history ourselves. everything went well for our madu 3, thanks to all the cast who made it happen with a bliss and excitement. i wont forget that night of, july 10th.

pictures belong to marwan

malam bakat

2009-07-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

malam bakat was awesome, im gonna put some pictures later. so this is for now. toodles

bintang dan matahari

2009-07-09T06:24:00.000-07:00

i really miss my two girls. the bintang and the matahari. i miss us being three and talking nonsense.
mina, balik cepat and lina please laa datang sini.
i miss you guys.

friends

2009-07-08T01:05:00.000-07:00

i realize that i have been neglecting my friends and defying fun. seriously saying, i have been putting my head in between books too much. its not wrong to study, but i shouldnt turn my back on my friends. i realize this when yin wei came to my class earlier today. she said that she has been checking on my blog but not me and that she is sorry for so. it made me feel guilty because i havent been checking on her and so as my other friends. im sorry,

july 6th

2009-07-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

Suhella's party was a blast, i had the best of fun.

Here are some pictures to put a smile on that gloomy face of yours.

If you want more pictures, just tell me which and i'll give it to you.

2009-07-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

well, someone needs to earn my respect in order for me to respect her.

bruise

2009-07-03T02:50:00.000-07:00

one thing i realize about my life is that i have been running away for way too much. now, i should face it with ultimate bravery and face the reality of this world. i can do it, I AM BRAVE.

Ariffin

2009-07-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

i dont know how i would ever live without my family.

they indeed cast a big act in my life, they are the one who are always there throughout the trough and the crest. they are the love of my life =D

lacking

2009-06-28T05:43:00.000-07:00

im seriously irritated of young guys taking advantages on young girls. this really is a public realtion matter that makes me worried and annoyed.

why cant you see the lust raving inside the guy's eyes? love is indeed blind, but what you think you have is not love, matter of fact, you are blinded enough to see what really is happening. i dont get it when they walk around and boast about french kissing, fucking or what not. it is just friggin disgusting. geddit?? girls, we have standards, we have dignity that is much more expensive than gold itself. why cant you be ashamed of what you have been doing and turn around to manage a better more respected you?

it is true about the saying that we know best when we have experienced it, but this is seriously obvious to the nation's eyes, what are you blinded of? i dont get it.

on the other hand, guys nowadays watch too much porn that they get horny/kinky/lusty/stupid when it comes to dating. stupid guys dont see dating as knowing the partner, instead, as a material of expressing their need of getting steamy. why do you think guys want to watch movies instead of staying at a comfy cafe to converse with you? why do you think they wrap their fingers aroung yours when walking around girls instead of holding you tight? why do you think they love you more when you expose yourself more eventhough it makes you feel uncomfortable?

guys are great users. especially those who are still young, very young. who doesnt see things by the eagle's eyes and who doesnt think by the owl's wisdom. furthermore, girls nowadays should be more brainy and thoughtful. conclusion, the teenagers present today should be more socially educated, we are not US people!

at rondom, i think we are still young to be claiming that we are falling in love. we havent been through it all to really know what love is.

2009-06-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

i just love looking at his face and abs. why not you check him out and tell me what you think =D

he is Sean Bourke, the sex god. *kinky*

absolute aims

2009-06-26T07:09:00.000-07:00

it has been awhile since i last post.

school has been kindda fun, i think i like it there. and proudly saying, i didnt feel like skipping school. not even once. anyhow, im trying to get myself to like chemistry and addmaths but it isnt as easy as it sounds. seriously. everytime i study chemistry i would replace it with either biology or sejarah. they are much more easier to understand. on the other hand, pn tang has been quite nice to us. she baked a moist chocolate cake that was mouth watery and undeniably delicious. i think it is better than secret recipe itself, which i often eat and no longer have passion of. thinking about it makes my tummy rumbles. nyummy.

enough about food, im trying to make changes to myself.

firstly i want to lose weight. ive been gaining too much weight that i look like a pig with big wobbly ass.

secondly i want to study smarter as some smart guy would say.

thirdly i wanna save the mother earth. ive been eating too many meat that it contributed to the emission of methane gas, ive been using too many papers that ive cut down quarter of the forest in Pahang and ive been using alot of electricity that requires the burning of natural gases. what have i done. *looking with despair. nvm, ill try to make myself a better person that can help save the greens and reduce the pollution problems.

forthly, i want to save money for my future. i have soo many plans that i am not willing to not have what i want and ever dream of.

fifthly, i want to have something. it will be soo weird saying it here. so, nvm.

so, ill update soon when i have something to share. toodles.

my dad

2009-06-22T06:53:00.000-07:00

my dad is a wonderful person. i love him for everything he ever did to me and for every love and care he had pampered my family with.
over the past few years, i saw sacrifice before me, living at stake sometimes but is still there to feed my family with hard works and determination. he is the head of the family who guides and taught us the ways of life, explaining things we are confused with, he also made us think ahead of time,to be determined and be sure of what we want. he made us see the world in a different persprective and indeed, we are fully high spirited to achieve what we want.
i love my dad very much and i am sure you do too.

pretty

2009-06-12T11:27:00.000-07:00

today i learned that 'air di cincang tak akan putus' taught by mun =)

incapable

2009-06-08T12:28:00.000-07:00

i should stop clinging to the past and start moving forward

i have often made decisions that were too incomprehensible, too much for my mental to handle having to regret making them later on. i do not understand why i cant just walk them over with. simply mould myself a new life.
there are many people that i think would have been best to let go, but here i am still reminiscing the past, deriving my regrets. i dont understand what really is that i want, this second i would want them to go away, the next i would want them to come back to live with me.
it is soo disturbing to see people moving on while im still on the verge of getting mental sickness thinking about this. when will i ever learn to let go? it has been soo hard for me to see people moving on while im still sloping towards sadness and depressions all the time, i need a head start. i need to move on.

veil

2009-06-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

what do you see when you look at me? do i wear sorrowness or do i bow to happiness?

so tell me, what do you see when you gaze into my eyes? do i capture your dignity with my soul less vulnerable life?

what do you see when you look at me? will you discriminate me by what is worn by my wandering wild eyes?

try to look at me, and tell me what do you see, do you see me as that person who will capsulate the tenderness of your desirable love?

i am wondering what you see when you look at me, what is there in your pretty mind that makes you look soo thoughtful in mind?

what is there behind those shielded gaze that makes you stare? see me beneath this bold dark veil i am forced to wear,

so tell me, what do you see when you look at me? is it just another layer of untruth or is it the me you have been trying to figure out?

2009-06-06T12:45:00.000-07:00

i think it is sad being lonely. especially when you could not sleep at night to know that nobody will call you, when you wake up late to know that nobody is expecting you, when you do not topup for a month to know that you will call nobody but your parents, when you go to the mall to know that nobody will hold your hand, when you watch a movie to know that the next seat is empty, when you online to know that nobody greets you, when you eat to know that nobody is watching and condemn about your enthusiasm of eating.

i just think it is sad, for no reason you are to wake up to face the day knowing that you will not see anyone with a happy grin plastered for the whole day.

no wait! this is not sad, this is freedom. you get to see and flirt with all the hot hunks you want, you get to play around with them without having to feel that you have someone else back home, this is independent. you are single and soo ready to mingle, screw what people has to say, this is your friggin life, enjoy it to the fullest. serve your lust in a lunch tray and add up a bit of cherry sauce on top of it along with a tall glass of frosty lemon martini, enjoy it. you deserve every bit of the pleasure.

you are more than what you are to men, sometimes you even treat yourself better than men. you understand yourself better than men. but i do admit that at times men come to our need, for what reason i just do not know, sometimes you can crave for men like you have been craving for a chocolate, maybe even better. somehow, you know what and who you are. so, you know best about what you need in the happiness of your rigid life.

there is an end in every life

2009-06-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder why we are born in this world only to suffer from the obstacles of life and the sorrows of every each feelings. i am sure God has his own agenda in creating our soul and body into this world, but it makes me wonder at times. i admit there are good memories to be captivated, sometimes a little too indulging that i do not want it to be over. these mutual feelings are at times too good that you want to capsulate every second of it and sometimes too disturbing that you want it to end right at the moment itself. somehow, we are build up with courage and trust to ourself that anyhow things turn up, we are not scared to face them. we are entourage to ourself, we are the heroic model. we may not see the beauty of our every actions but those around us do. we are not the least aware, but at least we know. eventhough so, in everyone's eyes, we are different. we have our own credibility, attraction that makes us presentable despite the consequences. all am i to say is, every person have their own ability and specialities to attract even the most unaware person on earth. we human are unpredictable, we tend to have less but still have the overbearing attraction because all that matters are confidence and self-respect. so we have to appreciate this and make ourself whole. look upon the elders for they are wiser than knowledge itself and give others respect because we are mankind with high dignity, we acknowledge each other with respect and appraise. love every each one like they are the last person you are seeing, let them know what you think of them before it is too late to cry over a spilled milk.

amazement are you

2009-06-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

day by day i see light intensing in your eyes, the more i am dejected thinking about you,

i have been looking through those dark black eyes, thought that i can penetrate and understand why,

why the sadness you carve inside them, why the pressure you pulled yourself to,

there are too many wanderings that sometimes i sleep myself through it,

i wish i have the ability to convince you, to give me a chance to learn you, to measure the depth of your inner self and believe in you,

amazement are you, enlightenment you derive, enhancement you practice, are sometimes too manipulative to understand,

i am attracted to you but it is nothing more than the attraction of the depth itself, i want to go beyond the horizon of understatement to have faith and trust in you, to put you through happiness by all means

adventure

2009-06-01T00:23:00.000-07:00

the past few days had been a blast. i had stomach cramps for quite a few times for eating too much and so as cheek cramps for laughing a little bit too much.

we had a lot of adventures and one of them happened in slippery senoritas on Friday night. i want to tell mina and lina all about it before i spill it out here, so later.

ooohh the day before we watched sunset by the beach at a bistro called sunset. there were a number of hot guys drinking and shishaing that made me feel guilty watching them with my parents because they were undenyably sexy. oh the bod! but the hell, i have my sisters and cousin and it is uncontrolable and i blame the progesterone in me.

did i tell u about eating durian? omg they have this orchard where u can just sit there and eat. we managed to eat about four durians and keep one for later. they were fleshy and sweet and very nice.

i will update more once i have more to say. toodles.

current

2009-05-27T04:38:00.000-07:00

i have dreams and determinations for better future. im getting eager and more eager to make things rights from now, to be a perfectionist to where i will lead myself for the better. im starting from now.

exam is finally over, firstly i wanna watch a movie, inhale the smooth air of shisha, eat the tender sandwich of subway and im gonnna alter my ego. im gonna be real to myself and bring about changes to my life to become a better me. next thing is i will study my ass off for SPM.

lastly is, i really need to manage my anger. i have been stressing soo much that sometimes even a small matter can make me get all temper. im angry, im mad, im losing myself. god!

impressions

2009-05-26T02:26:00.000-07:00

"there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so"

i can see how true this saying is by Shakespeare. our thoughts on things, occasions or people are controlled by the mind. the mind where we have set on things of how they should be. we are easily directed to think before knowing what is beneath, we are set to be peer prejudice by our mind set self. we are blinded from the truth itself by our mind.

i say we see beyong the horizon of the mind and make our deals with people a better one. who said that going out at night is bad? who said that getting too many piercing will make you a wild person? who said that clubbings will corrupt your mind? who said that girls who wear high heels are slut? who said being popular is beautiful? who said gays are absurd? who said you cannot eat because you have to be like that person on the billboard? this is exactly what it is, the beauty being hidden by cryptic mentality that we have practised.

put aside the poor shallow judgements and start to get to know that person, even yourself. life is more than just judging itself. you never know how much you are losing from being so judgemental, so lets go against nature and derive ourselves towards a better view.

thinkings

2009-05-25T04:44:00.000-07:00

i had a good day writing essays today. it was tantalizing and productive in every way that i feel that i have let out all my anger, resentment and misjudgments. it was good, it felt good.

anyway, enough with my essays writing, lets talk about the mere attitudes of teenagers.

we teenagers are very difficult to cope and deal with, having a very hard and irresolute behavior, people have hard times trying to understand us. we are a group of people who has just born to the world where fashion, money and body features play big roles. it is indefinite and will keep on happening until we ourselves realize and become aware of what we are getting ourselves into.
the behaviors of some teens who are easily corrupted with new cultures like punks, hip hops, gangsters and even cliques however make me aware that we teens are immature. we are easily influenced to what we think is fun, nice and cool. i am not being judgmental about your decisions, but i think every each person has their own capability to show who they are by their clothings. why do you have to hide yourself beneath the overloading make ups, way too high heels and over-exposing clothes. stop torturing yourself with false identities, show who you really are, wake up and try dressing up to what really represents your true self. on the other hand, we teens think that we can get attentions from that. remember that only stupid and immature guys who wants to take advantage on you would approach you. we teens need real guys to take good care of us. not some junkies who does not know how to take care of himself. we are teens and we have high dignities. never lose it to what you think is real, definite and conscious thinkings are very important to balance up your inner self. be aware of your decisions because one wrong decision can affect your life thoroughly. but even so, get a grip of yourself and move on. you have a long way to go.

anger

2009-05-24T06:46:00.000-07:00

im intense, raging with anger. some people are soo absurd that they only think about themselves. fucking heartless selfish dickhead with fucking mindless attitude. i think im getting my period, that is why i cannot control my temper. i have had a very tiring day staying at my granny's the whole hot-sweaty afternoon after a 3 hours tuition which freaking started at 9 and i had to wake up at 7. i can still bear with that, then i came home and went to ou with my sister and cousin. i can still hold it. then went to mutiara damansara for a drink at a restaurant called smtg papa. i had abc which i thought would make me soo much better, but guess what?? it didnt and it taste nothing like the real abc. screw the modern world, i want originalities. im mad, to everyone. especially the stupid people who are not aware of the critical condition of the world. fucking stupid people who think no better than to cause global warming, have some sense you fucking 'jahil' people, be aware of what is fucking happening and stop the fucking 'im soo rich and i dont care' attitude. you fucking stupid people with mind as shallow as the milo ice. im hating the freaking mindless humanity right now, fuck you. go screw yourself with a fucking blunt pencil. augh, to make matter worst, my freaking adik was being an asshole. and i dont want to talk about it cos it wouldnt be nice to talk about your siblings here, but i soo wanna talk about it because i am very furious, and i can feel the heat of anger rising through me. i feel like exploding and making everyone cry. i feel like slapping everyone and punch them in the face. im angry.

can u feel the heat?

elusive

2009-05-23T08:58:00.000-07:00

dont seek happiness. if u seek it, you wont find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it. unhappiness covers up your natural state of well-being and inner peace, the source of true happiness.

awakening to your life's purpose,

eckhart tolle

a chunk of guts

2009-05-14T23:24:00.000-07:00

there are a few things you should not do in life.

1. you should not be topless / shoeless / pantiless when going out

2. you should not pant when arriving late for class because it will sound very wrong

3. you should not snore in the cinema just because you didnt sleep the night before

4. your should not snort at the front of your shirt

see there are alot of slacks in life that can affect your confidence, diverging your tension to unlike feelings. making you feel deluded. then at night when you sit with your thoughts arousing before you, you feel the regrettion, you feel like forcing the time to rewind itself, you feel the outcome depression of your heart, forcing immaculate hot tears to fall.

these are not as bad as losing the people that you care and you thought will be there forever. in this life i have disappointed many people, making them walk and never turn back that even myself deflect my courage for doing so. it is now too late to cry over spilled milk, to take back what i have said, what i have decided.

so here i am to say, if you have someone, never let him go for something you thought is there. because once he walks away, you will never know when he will come back or if he ever will.

kelly rowland and nelly

2009-05-14T05:53:00.000-07:00

i got a call from Sella today asking about prom. she were making confirmations so that we can have a table just for the friends, and i am now in dilemma .

firstly because i want a guy to ask me to go to the prom with him. but the problem is, i do not think anyone would. but this is my last year, and i soooo wanna experience prom with my date. i have always had a perfect picture of a perfect scenery of prom that i feel like i have to somehow experience it. teens are after all full of angst and i am one of them. i am soo keen to make my dreams come true, i want one but coming after a guy would look soo wrong.

secondly, if i say yes, i will have to pay a big sum of money by Monday which is quite impossible because Dania's birthday is this Saturday. i will have to put her first before the prom, she is after all an unlucky sister for having me, a high-pitched-temperate-annoying sister. i admit it =D. so i will have to make it up to her by giving her the present she has been talking about.

im in dilemma, i wanna go to prommmmmmmmmm.

make the world a better place

2009-05-13T04:51:00.000-07:00

we are born with the ability to lust for people, things, fames, foods.

here we are, born with complete need. pretty clothes to wear, mouth watering food to eat, comfortable car as a transportation. sometimes we even have extra cash to buy ourselves the unnecessaries. here in Malaysia, we are blessed with enough feast to make us drown in our world, to forget about the others who are facing poverty, those who die everyday because of hunger, that wear the same clothes everyday since they were little. i am sure we are aware of the problem that our neighbouring country of India, Zimbabwe, Palestine and even Africa are facing. we as the nation who care, have to open our eyes and ears on this case. we have to help as much as we can to make their lives better, at least enough food for them to survive, to see a chance of living.

we claim ourselves to be the nation of the world, claiming that we stand hand in hand,

so lets show our humanity concern to arouse people to help the unfortunates, show them that we care. we are civilised nation, we see life in good views. we cannot just stand here and condemn, we have to walk the talk. we have to bring about the possibilities of a better world for our needy friends.

i care, and i am sure you are too. so why not we change what we are now, help the poors, make ourselves a better nation, citizen of the world.

pierce

2009-05-12T08:20:00.000-07:00

something happened after shower this afternoon, blood oozing out of a small hole for my new piercing. im not talking about a drop or two, im talking about more, like a cut through the artery. but scientifically, there is no artery or vein at the soft cartilage of the ears. there was a moment of adrenaline rush through me causing frantic ventilation, forcing myself to calm. i washed the blood off my body, using tissues to cover the source of wastage of blood, but still they are incapable to bear with the overflowing blood. thus, i stayed under the shower, looking at the red stained water flowing intentuosly into the drained hole. still it will not stop coming out. anger, fear and death cause me to take the last action. i used a tshirt to cover the bloody hole, until it is good enough to be not blood bloody. yes, at last it stopped. it was a moment of which i thought about death itself being faced infront of me for piercing. it is inlogical, but at that particular situation, i foresee the possibilities if the blood flow did not stop, i could have died.
conclusion, death is anywhere, you are just unaware of the presence of it.

june 11

2009-05-12T00:02:00.000-07:00

i cannot wait for my birthday because i have high expectations of what im gonna get from my parents. weeeeeeeeeee

especially for LINA

2009-05-10T09:06:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BITHDAY LINDON DEAR

hey dear, ive smsed you using my sister's number but im not sure whether you got it or not. so here i am, blogging about my ever so awesome drama queen.

lemme see, i have gotten close to you since standard 6. ever since, you have been a wonderful friend of pure fresh nature that even the fierest cat would want to be tamed for you.
i always adore your simplicity in judgement, of how you can get along with people soo well. while i am on the other hand the total oposite of what you are. i respect you for that, for your ability to see better views of life, for making it better to yourself everytime. i have strong beliefs in you and i am positively sure you will make it to the peak of success. i have faith in you and so as the others.
thank you for moulding me into a better person, you make me feel better just by lending your ears and concern eyes. i appreciate having you in every way and i hope that our friendship will last until anak cucu.
love you lima, for today, tomorrow and hereafter.

they brought crayons and smiles to your life

2009-05-08T10:53:00.000-07:00

friends, that is what they are. many people think that friends are a group of people that has once walked into their life and left footprints. to me, friends are our companion throughout the deceptive life, they make you want to come to school, they make you laugh at silly-offensive jokes, they lend ears for our ongoing problems, they share their food when our tummy is rumbling, they give you a ride to make sure you are safe, they save a seat for you in the school bus, they tell you everything because they know secrets will hurt you. friends are truly pure, heaven sent.

so far i have been a bad friend for not keeping contact with my friends like i used to. i take it that im not a good one, but them, they deserve every bit of my appreciation. they are friends that you would not want to trade for a mansion and a ferrari. they are friends. real friends. and i apologize for my selfishness for you guys deserve much more embracement and acknowledgement from me.

and it is very important that you guys know that i love you guys and i appreciate the good times we had together. memories that i would not want to erase. those times, let them be treasured and remembered.

nurlina mazlan, nur amina malisa, azzahra roslee, putri aqilah, nurul nadia, siti sarah, thoyibbah zainal, timothy lee, adam, kishsam, elena, serenna, azri, azham, erfan, amirul, yaakub, harinder, rupinder, francesca, she mei, fui teng, athirah, ariff, afifah nizar, hafiz, qamarul.

friends for who they were, are and going to be,

i love you very much the same.

idle

2009-05-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

'life is but a walking shadow that struts and frets its way upon the stage'

i have always liked this line. it is true for we are living with a stranger's face plastered upon us despite of what we really have inside. we have given it too much nobility that we have mistaken our imaginary self with our real self. we are made to be what we are, i mean, what we really are. of course we have needs in life, but that needs does not come with hypocrisy, there are too many things in life for us to tenderise and generalize rather than manipulating it all together. we are civilised human, we have brain that even science itself cannot completely explain the development of this wonder and its function. god made us for reasons, and being someone you are not is not one of them. there are alot of unexplained things in our life, we just have to open up our eyes and realize the nature of ourself, the beauty of it. then only we can learn to love ourself and from there, other people will learn to appreciate us.

history is repeating itself

2009-05-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

in the vast modernization of the country, people are likely to forget about the past, of what our great grandparent had to go through. the history had taught us about people who lived before, their hopes, their dreams, their successes and their failures. we are also taught that the human race had been at war with one another since time immemorial. however, despite the prolonged education we had face, we are still misleading towards destruction. we seldom learn our lessons from the misdeeds of the past. we are human that has enormous credibility to make world a better place for every each life. now we are facing with the immaturity of the politicians, causing havoc here and there, bringing along negative impacts towards the nation. remember how it was once ago, where the nations bestow upon their great leader faithfully without any regret and doubts. where is that faithfulness we used to have? why are we condemning them for our selfishness. are we ever going to wake up from this dreadful nightmare? i wish i can, but everytime i watch the tv or even read the newspaper, i see this. problems problems. if we foresee this clearly, it is similar to what we used to face. it is true of what they say, with this kind of attitude we, are reasonings for 'history to repeat itself'. and if it is to happen, we have not anyone to point to but ourself for our silly condemnation towards our own monarch.

fun

2009-04-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

Dear people,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but im in love with your cat. I think I realized it when you put cuffs on me in a clown suit and you pulled the clothes off my prized statue of michael jackson in the nude. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that you need a sex chande. I'm returning your starwars collection to you, but I'll keep your glass eye as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about the moose poaching and i have a passionate interest for mice.
go drown yourself,
Nur Ariffin.

1)What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're mean
Other -I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When you smacked my ass
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When I quoted Forest Gump
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When u finally changed ur underwear

3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Lasagna- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper
Asian Food - in your bathtub

4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow -you ignored
Red - you carved your initials into
Black - you hit on
Blue - you knocked out
Purple -you poured syrup on
White - you put whipped cream on
Grey - you pulled the clothes off
Brown - you bit of
Orange - you castrated
Pink - you pulled the pants off of
Barefoot - you sat on
Other - you drove over

5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other --The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - vexed
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Other - Matured

7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you areSad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks

8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
Red - Your toe ring
Yellow - The cut toenails
White - Your Starwars collection
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - Your love letters to me
Other - The pictures from Vegas

9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your collection of butterflies
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbor’s dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - your virginity
Q/R - Your picture
S/T - My common sense
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Haven’t showered in a month
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F - am better off without you
G/H – Hate your cooking
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/R - never forget that night
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Y/Z – always wanted to break your legs

11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruining my attempts at another world war
Mineral water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism Is Weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – you should stop picking your nose
Other – Thanks for the Cocaine

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?Italy - Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany –greetings to your frog
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Canada - Please don’t hurt me
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself

now your turn =D

kryptonite

2009-04-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

today, me, waira and nazar made a positive resolution to change ourselves toward a truer and happier self. we are gonna stand up for what is right, stand upon the bullies, be honest with them that we really care about despite our fight. we are going to overcome the negatives toward the postive. we are true now, we will be tomorrow. so bitches, you better fuck up before i fuck u out from my life.

prior honesty

2009-04-05T06:37:00.000-07:00

some people say they do not judge people by the way they look. but is it really true? they act oppositely despite their innocent words. what is true and what is not? you tell me

why are people being soo judgemental for the colour of the skin, the group they hang out with, the class they think will be in forever? give me one good reason where i can set this problem at rest.

some people might not know, beneath the face there is a heart. every heart is different with compact feelings. you are missing something if you are judging people for the sake of the external, you get your head in this case and think about it thoroughly.

if you are being arrogantly judgemental, i advise you to put it aside. cant you see what you are missing? you are setting yourself to a limit of wasteness. you can get to know people and why throw it away? dont you think you are being shallow?

enough said.

2009-03-29T05:16:00.000-07:00

'in order to to enjoy something, you have to be a part of it'

that statement is true, and i enjoyed HARI SUKAN very much though it cost me my time and sweat. It actually feels worth it, everything is. All the hard work and determination lead to a memorable ending. But of course with the lead of Li Qi and Choong Yean who never fail to entertain us with fresh ideas and positive encouragement. They are great people who always hope for the best of everyone. It was a good opportunity for me as well as the others. And for everything, i thank the awesome leader for the unrequited hope he has given and the pleasurable hard works. Even for everyone else who has managed team work for making hari sukan one of the glorious day at school.

Oh, we won first place for formation kawad kaki =D and third place for overall. It was good enough since all the other houses were competitive.

Thoroughly i enjoyed hari sukan very much and it will be in my memory for always.

hope

2009-03-13T03:59:00.000-07:00

i want this to happen in my life.

unarmed truth

2009-03-12T06:33:00.000-07:00

these past few days had been tiring with saringan-s. but i enjoyed thoroughly. though so, i hv to do lots of research for forum. im lack of words to talk. i'll update once im showered with inspiring words.

hippy

2009-02-27T04:03:00.000-08:00

the mass is finally off the shoulder, gladly.

one week of exam is finally over, spm will be weeks doubled. scary indeed. anyway, it is over for now. im soo gonna enjoy :D im hoping for something huge to happen and so i hope.

all the best, nur.

peer

2009-02-19T06:32:00.000-08:00

today is a long dayy. theyre having bu4 idol today, so me and waira planned to skip kawad (sorry ketua n assistant). we managed at first, then got called back by airina. theyre doing formation today but 10 people went mia. so yeah, we just kawad. then we went to watch the bu4 idol. i adore suhailla's voice, she sang 'thinking of you' by katy perry which i think mostly everyone knows. she sang soo beautifully that it jolted pure current of excitement (drama-to-the-tic). oh oh, there were other good singers like nicola and soon yi, joel, and nazar. they are very good at singing that im not even kidding you. and so and so, went home.

i went to waira's place later on to find nazar n waira still in their pj clothes. aiyooo, i know. later on we went to esso or was it mobil. we bought drinks n some tit bits. on the way there, we camwhored since the lighting was soo nice and the environment was merely calm that it makes us high. lol. we toook alot of pics but they are with nazar, i'll put some once i get them :D
till then, wishing the green the best of best, GO GREEN!

and so i hope

2009-02-17T03:11:00.000-08:00

its an incomprehendable affection of two unknown people of different sex who can drive each other crazy just by thinking about it.

it's a chaos of passion

2009-02-16T02:16:00.000-08:00

im soo lazy to update, but somehow i have to cos yin wei scolded me. and yes, im scared. =)
so here are some favourite pics of mine, enjoy.

independent

2009-01-26T05:31:00.000-08:00

last night, i did something beyond compatibility. it was beyond the guts i usually have and lets just say that last night, i have killed a part of me that has forever been killing me. okay, try to understand me. i cannot tell you directly of what happened so if you are curious why not ask. what matters most about last night was that i have gained my independence of desire. i have prolonged for it and i finally let the words free. i am proud of myself.

not to forget i am going to gain more of the independence until i am thoroughly prepared for what is to come. for my future, my outlook on the real things to come.

hey this is for you

2008-12-19T10:58:00.001-08:00

i cannot do anything apart from wait and pray that u will forgive me. i didnt mean what i said and you ought to know that you're nice, smart and very dependable. you have been my bestfriend, the very bestbestfriend. and i mean it. im saying this because i mean it. having you around has make me happy. i wanna keep it forever but i've said things that hurt you and now i don't know how to take it back, i wish i have the power to turn back the hands of time but its just too impossible. there are many things i wish i could do, i wish i could fly so i can beg on my knees for you to forgive me, i wish i can bake so i can let u enjoy the sensation of it and forgive me, i wish i can drive so i can ring your door bell and make you see me apologizing, but mostly i wish that you wouldn't leave me. i miss you already. im not just saying it, i mean it.

for what we had from the past, the memories, the presence of you, the friendship we had, i wanna let it live forever. i wanna have you around forever. i wanna let it leave up until our anak cucu. i wanna have you back.

with loves to nur amina malisa.

amuse

2008-11-27T12:46:00.000-08:00

TWILIGHT was awesome really